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Where Do We Go From Here?

This month marks the end of one of the most intense years I can remember. I am planning to take two weeks off over the holidays to reflect and regroup. I also intend to make an epic list of every intense moment I can remember from this year. Maybe I will tuck the list away in a journal or maybe I will burn it. I’m not sure how this all plays out, yet.


This has been a year when I’ve had to let go of control. I’ve had to let things be what they are. I’ve had to watch myself fail and not live up to my own standards. There has been a lot of internal processing and pain that has been hard to talk about with very many people. Usually, I am a person who lays everything on the table. My husband and I were joking the other night that my life philosophy tends to be “Just tell everybody everything.” This year I had to hold some things close, and it was very uncomfortable for me.


At this point in my reflection process, there is one overwhelming feeling that rises to the surface. It’s a call to slow down, to be present, to choose to do less, to stop trying so hard. I am hoping that the break over the holidays will be the beginning of that shift. I will take my cues from the earth – to turn inward and rest so that I will be ready for spring when it comes. My hopes for the coming year are ones of nourishment, healing, repair, and restoration. Actually, it’s more than just hoping. I am planning on these things.


If your year (or more than one year!) has held trauma, unrelenting stress, emotional burdens, or unexpected loss, I feel you. You are not alone. The journey is harder than I thought, and I don’t think I ever expected it to be easy.


I say this to you and to me: I’m sorry that it’s been so hard. I’m sorry that people you love let you down or hurt you deeply. I’m sorry that so much has been demanded of you. I’m sorry that you didn’t have the support you needed. {Hard stop. Deep breath.} I also believe that you will find strength and wisdom and new vision in the days and weeks and years to come. Hope is not lost. Please do not numb yourself or become bitter. There is beauty that only you can bring forth. Keep breathing, stop striving, and listen to the still small voice within. Love remains.


What has 2019 been like for you? What are your hopes and dreams for 2020?

My name is Candace McCallister. I am the founder of Sweet Water Offering, a holistic health enterprise to support women and families to heal naturally. My background is in biology, counseling, bodywork, and nutrition. My husband and I are helping to start an intentional Christian community in Little Rock, AR. We have three lively and beautiful children.